Post Hillview

Forty days ago I quit my live-in job working at a group home for teen moms that sucked the life out of me. Rather, I chose to give my life away to the girls I cared for. And because I was giving away everything I had in me, I ended up with nothing. So now, I am depleted, and in addition, I don't have the thing that I poured all of myself out into. So I am empty and lost. It's not such a good feeling.
This past week I was asking God the big question a lot: "Why do you let things happen to people that they spend a lifetime recovering from?" I didn't get any answers. I just know that I believe that God weeps when we weep. Then the question shifted to: "Why would God call me to something that would break me down?" I realized that He didn't stop short of asking His son to give His life. Jesus even asked for God to pass him by and not make him go through with it. But we needed it. So I guess that answers why God would ask that of me. Because my girls needed it.
So is God a utilitarian?

I don't know that either. But He loves. That is the only thing I can figure out from all of this.

SO, I mostly created this blog so that I can be a part of the blog community and stay up to date with what my friends are doing. I will update as things happen in my life but for now, I am just working for the summer until I start studying at Fuller Seminary in September. And meanwhile God has been inspiring some musical creations in me and I want to talk with musically inclined people because I have no idea how to make this stuff come to life!